The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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