I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
