i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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