The maid of honor just puked.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
