thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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