You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
