Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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