Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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