i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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