Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
