come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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