No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
