College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
