You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
