it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
