You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
