3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can text with my tongue
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
