He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
