I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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