He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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