Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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