we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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