the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
