Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
