i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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