Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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