Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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