So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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