How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
