Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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