Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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