last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
