so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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