If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
