Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
