I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
