its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Mom said you looked used
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
