The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
