and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
