My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
