My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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