So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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