who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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