I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
