his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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