Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
