i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
