"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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