Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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