Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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