when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
