I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
