So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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