At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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