Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize