I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I could make wine with my vomit
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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