I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
