Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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