i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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